I don’t believe Woody ever planned to go down the path he joked about with Isabel in a previous strip. But when the cat ain’t where you need it to be, and you’re standing on a monologue stage with a camera pointed at you, you gotta go with what you know.
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon is doing their show in Indianapolis this week in conjunction with Super Bowl XLVI. I entered my name for tickets, but wasn’t privileged enough to get any. I’m not bitter. I only write a comic about a late-night talk show, I review Late Night with Jimmy Fallon episodes, I can see Indiana from my house, and the studio seats a thousand people.
Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Conan.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says she has dirt on Newt Gingrich, but so far she’s keeping her lips sealed. Not because of discretion, because that’s how the last surgeon left them.
A new website just came out, and it’s been designed to calculate how long it takes Mitt Romney to earn your salary. So, from now on whenever Mitt Romney is running late, he can call his wife and say, “I’ll be there in five teachers.”
The Olive Garden announced its undergoing a makeover to try and increase business. They’re so desperate they’re even considering serving Italian food.
The desk segments were Guy Fieri Eating in Reverse and Deon Cole’s Tea Party Slavery Deal. They were both pretty funny:
Elizabeth Banks was the first couch guest. She’s in the film Man on a Ledge. The interview was pretty good. Elizabeth was very energetic, outgoing and funny. I think she rubbed off on Conan, as he was more entertaining with her than with a typical guest. Here’s the first half of the interview where she talks about how she met her husband:
Timothy Olyphant was the second couch guest. He’s the star of the show Justified. The interview was terrific because Timothy was awesome. He was very funny and told some great stories. I really wish the interview was longer, cause Timothy was hitting it out of the park. I apologize for all the videos, I don’t understand why Team Coco felt the need to break the interview up into three sections. It’s worth watching all three:
John Mulaney was the stand-up guest. He was very funny, which is good considering he writes for SNL:
Letterman, Fallon, Leno and Ferguson are all on vacation this week. What a bunch of bums. So, here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live!:
It rained today, which we don’t usually allow in LA, but the guys outside in the Spider-man costumes needed a wash so it worked out. We got three-quarters of an inch of rain today. It was scary, one of my arms got wet on the way in. But it should be nice tomorrow. It’s supposed to be sunny and almost 80 this week, just in case anyone needed another reason to hate us.
The mansion where they shoot The Bachelor and The Bachelorette in is for rent. It rents for $2100 a night, as do most of the bachelorettes by the way. I said “most.” It’s in Sonoma; it can be rented whenever they’re not taping the shows. The property has six bedrooms, nine bathrooms and eight thousand square feet of crying space if you’re interested.
Kiefer Sutherland was the first couch guest. He stars in the upcoming show Touch. The interview was good, but it would have been better if Jimmy had let Kiefer finish a a sentence or two. I understand that Kimmel is all about getting as many questions in as possible, but Kiefer is a laid-back kinda guy. If you’re going to invite him on the show, let the man talk at his own pace. My favorite part of the interview was when Kiefer discussed the upcoming 24 movie and his time during the filming of Stand By Me:
Bear Grylls was the second couch guest. He is the host of the show Man vs. Wild. The interview was entertaining. Bear was very personable and told some interesting stories. Here’s the second part of the interview where he and Kimmel make fire together:
Young The Giant was the musical guest. They gave the same fine performance they gave on the Tonight Show back in December.
