Conan and Fallon are off this week, but that’s ok because Letterman is back in the building! Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

Hot in New York City today. Will you back me up on that one? Here’s how hot it is in New York City today. I’m driving to work and my navigation lady tells me to go to Dairy Queen. It was so hot I was sweating like granny before a death panel. Seriously, it was so hot John went home to Kate just for the cold shoulder.

You know what; it’s the fortieth anniversary of Woodstock. Every year on the anniversary they try to recreate some of the concert activity, and there was a big crowd out there over the weekend. It was ugly though, someone was passing around some bad Lipitor. Time just shoots by. One day you’re in a muddy field listening to Joan Baez, and the next day you’re screaming at a town hall meeting about health care.

The desk segments where really good. Dave did everything from hose down people outside the theater, to deliver Starbucks to a woman in the audience, to list the Top Ten Tiger Wood Excuses to entertain us with a guy jumping over a New York hot dog cart.

Quentin Tarantino was the first couch guest. He has written and directed the movie Inglourious Basterds (yes, that is the spelling of the movie), which comes out this week. The interview was fine. It was entirely about the movie, and Quentin wasn’t nearly as over the top as I’ve seen him in other interviews.

Eric Ripert was the second couch guest. Eric is a chef in New York City. He spent the interview making a quick meal while Dave stood around. What made the interview great was that Dave was hilarious, and Chef Ripert was cracking up every other second. Normally when chefs come on late night shows they get upset when hosts try to be funny and make light of their art. But Chef Ripert took nothing personally and had a lot of fun.

The Robert Cray band was the musical guest. It was a good performance. Check it out.

Overall I give the show a B+.

- Woody

I’m sure some, or maybe most, of you think I’m crazy to review Late Night with Jimmy Fallon episodes at all, let alone two in a row. Well, I wasn’t  happy with the show I reviewed last week, so when I found out that Stephen Colbert was a guest last night I decided to give it another shot. Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s show:

Did everyone watch the Super Bowl? That was a great game. Everybody is happy for New Orleans. In fact, FEMA announced plans to congratulate them in about two weeks.

I heard they actually sent a boy in Louisiana home from school because he was wearing an Indianapolis Colts jersey. Afterward the boy said, “Look, I love the Saints, I just hate school. This is perfect. Thanks.”

On Thursday a woman went into labor at a taping of the Oprah Winfrey Show. Man, talk about a surprise under your seat.

The desk segments included Olympic Snow Bobbing and Tea Party Karaoke. Thanks to the chosen studio audience members, the karaoke was actually pretty funny and I think worth watching:

Stephen Colbert was the first couch guest. If you’ve never heard of him before then I suggest you check out The Colbert Report on Comedy Central. I think Stephen is hilarious. He has a great combination of wit and intelligence that allows him to be funny no matter where he is and what he is doing. The interview was awesome and I really recommend watching it, especially the second half:

Willie Garson was the second couch guest. He’s on the show White Collar. I’ve been a fan of Willie since I first watched him on Sex and the City. Yes, I admit it, I’ve seen all six seasons of SatC. Hush. Anyway, the interview was fun. Here’s a clip:

Eric Ripert was the third couch guest. Eric is a New York City chef and host of the show Avec Eric. I saw Eric on the Late Show last year and really enjoyed the segment. This one was almost as good. This time he gave Fallon and Willie lessons on how to cook with toaster ovens. It was pretty funny.

Great show. I give it:

- Woody

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Here were my favorite monologue jokes last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live!:

Today was the first new show of Oprah’s final season, according to the Bible. After 24 years and 1800 pounds of yo-yo diets Oprah’s final season is upon us.

Oprah had a huge surprise for her audience today. First, she burned the Koran. Then she announced that she’s taking them all on a trip. Yes, Oprah is taking her entire audience to Australia, where she will release them into the Outback and hunt them for sport.

The worst will be being in the Oprah audience for her second show of the season. Yesterday the audience got a trip to Australia; you guys get a candle with an “O” on it.

David Hasselhoff was the first couch guest. He is one of the contestants on the new season of Dancing with the Stars. I enjoy the Hoff in small doses, like sound bites on America’s Got Talent, but find it difficult to watch him for 10 minutes telling me how his life is going. But, I do appreciate his willingness to make fun of himself:

Chef Eric Ripert was the second couch guest. He is on Top Chef. He and Jimmy cooked an octopus. I love when chefs come on late-night talk shows. Eric was a cool guest and the interview was really interesting:

Green Day was the musical guest. They performed with the Broadway cast of American Idiot during halftime of the Monday Night Football game between the Jets and the Ravens. It was pretty cool:

Great show. I give it:

Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter: @woodyafterhours.

- Woody