Ok, all of my late night homies are back. Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

Congratulations to your New York Yankees for capturing the American League Pennant. So we have a bet with Philadelphia. Now, if we win the bet, Philadelphia sends us a Philly cheese steak. If we lose we send them a dead mob snitch.

How many of you are here because the Northwest pilots overshot Minneapolis? Hell, who hasn’t missed an exit, you know what I mean? It was a scary flight because they nearly had a mid-air collision with Balloon Boy.

Over the weekend Donald Trump’s daughter Ivanka Trump got married. Donald Trump, he’s a wealthy guy, you know. He actually hired Mayor Bloomberg to be the little guy on the cake. Donald Trump was thrilled. He said the day was so beautiful it reminded him of his third wedding.

The desk segment began with Letterman telling a story about the after-school magic program his son Harry is in. Apparently the magician started with good magic tricks, but now, five weeks later, he spends the entire time talking about his adventures on the road. Letterman then performed the first magic trick his son was taught in the program, making a quarter disappear.

He followed up that story with #82 of Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir: Getting chopped up by helicopter blades.

He finished with the Top Ten Northwest Airlines Pilot Excuses. Number 5 and 3 were my favorites.

Charles Barkley was the first couch guest. He spent the first half of the interview talking about how much he sucks at golf. Apparently he sucks so bad he quit. They then spent the second half of the interview discussing the upcoming basketball season. He likes L.A. and Boston the best. I’m not necessarily a Barkley fan, but I’ve always found him funny, and he didn’t disappoint last night with Letterman, so I enjoyed the interview.

Cheryl Hines was the second couch guest. She’s an actress on the HBO show Curb Your Enthusiasm, and is also directing her first movie, Serious Moonlight. Cheryl is nice and the interview started fine, but it really took an upswing for me when she mentioned that she plays tournament style poker. Now that’s a person I can get onboard with.

Harper Simon was the musical guest. Harper is the son of Paul Simon. He was good.

Good episode. I give it:

- Woody

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Late Show with David Letterman:

I forgot to change my clock. Forgot to set it forward. So these jokes might not be funny for another hour.

They say it’s the groggiest day of the year. Everybody is groggy. Driving to work today my navigation lady said, “Hey, you should have turned left back there.”

They’re talking about the NFL, the big player’s lockout, and there may not be any football. And here’s the problem: they’re having a lot of trouble agreeing on stuff. You’ve got the owners and you’ve got the players. One thing they do agree on though, and this is hopeful, both sides agree that the Super Bowl Halftime Show has got to be better.

Celebrity birthday, happy birthday today to Poppin Fresh. The Pillsbury Doughboy is 51 years old. [Crowd applause] You’re applauding a phony animated character.

Two years ago, did you hear about this, about Poppin Fresh, sad. Lost all his dough to Bernie Madoff.

The desk segment was Top Ten Things You Can Expect In Charlie Sheen’s One-Man Show:

Charles Barkley was the first couch guest. He is a former NBA player and current NBA commentator. I never followed Sir Charles when he was a basketball star, but I always enjoy him on Letterman. He’s funny, smart, opinionated and can laugh at himself. He and Dave get along really well, which makes the interview very entertaining. Here’s a good clip to show you what I mean:

Sarah Vowell was the second couch guest. She is an author. I didn’t like Sarah at first, as her voice takes some getting use to. I warmed up to her by the end of the interview, however. She has a dark sense of humor and is self-deprecating. I can get on board with that. Here’s a clip:

Cold War Kids was the musical guest. They were pretty good.

Fine show. I give it:

- Woody