Anyone see The Tonight Show with Jay Leno last night? These were my favorite monologue jokes:

President Obama has found a way to quickly close Guantanamo Bay. He’s going to turn it into a Pontiac Dealership.

The economy is hurtin’, everyone is doing bad. You know the Cheesecake Factory? Now it’s the Cheese Whiz Factory. The economy is so bad Amy Winehouse is now just snorting diet coke. It’s so bad that Bill Maher went to church for the free bread and water. It’s so bad Michael Vick is working at Pet Co.

According to a recent poll, when asked if English should be America’s official language, 85% of the people said “Si”.

I so so so wish I could embed the Best of Celebrity Correspondents segment. They showed a ton of clips, including Chapelle (“Nothing says Black History Month like Utah.”), Mo Rocca (“Do you like football?”) and Brad Pitt (“I would do anything to get you to see this movie.”) which almost brought be to tears because it was so funny. I totally recommended watching it.

Bill Maher was Leno’s first guest. It was his 50th appearance on the show. I don’t watch Maher generally, but he was as smart, feisty and funny as I’ve heard. He doesn’t let up on anyone, including Leno. It was a good interview.

Adam Richman was next. He’s a pretty happy guy. I guess I would be too if my show was all about traveling around the country and eating as much bad food as I can every week. Lucky son of gun.

Mandy Moore was the musical guest. Meh.

- Woody

Conan is back after a week off for vacation. Here were my favorite monologue jokes and bits from last night’s Tonight Show:

I’m going to start the show with good news tonight. Meteorologists are now saying Hurricane Bill has been downgraded to a tropical depression. They say Bill officially hit the depression stage after a surprise run-in with Hurricane Hillary.

In honor of Obama’s trip to Martha’s Vineyard a local Mexican restaurant is serving a dish called the Barak-o Taco. Yeah, the owner of the restaurant promises it’ll make you feel like a Ba-rocket has been fired out of your O-bottom

KFC, they used to be Kentucky Fried Chicken now they’re KFC, they recently introduced a new sandwich with bacon and cheese, and instead of bread, two pieces of fried chicken. Yeah, they’re calling it The Last Supper.

A man was recently arrested after he exposed his penis during a flight on Southwest Air. Passengers said it was the first time anyone who’s flown Southwest has seen free nuts.

And then there was this:

The desk segment was another look into the future, specifically the year 3000. It was pretty good:

Bill Maher was the first couch guest. I enjoy Bill as a late night guest, especially when he gets on his soapbox. It’s not because I necessarily agree with what he says, but because he expresses his views calmly, intelligently, unapologetically and with some dark humor. Here is the interview:

Nick Cannon was the second couch guest. He is the host of one of my favorite summer shows: America’s Got Talent. Just between you and me though, I think Nick is the weakest part of the show. But that is neither here nor there. Did you know he’s married to Mariah Carey? Yeah, really. Overall the interview was fine. Nick has a lot of energy and is pretty personable.

Kings of Leon was the musical guest. They rocked!

Good show, I give it:

For those of you still getting used to the new rating system, that’s four Woodys.

- Woody