I’m setting the Wayback Machine to last Friday to review Thursday night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live! Here were my favorite monologue jokes. They ‘re a little dated, but still funny:

For the second day in a row there were no World Cup Soccer games today. I missed the sound of vuvuzelas so much I taped a beehive to my head.

The Nigerian team finished last in their group. They didn’t win any games. And as a result of that the president of Nigeria, Goodluck Jonathan, has suspended them for two years. And what does it say about the state of our news organization in this country that a guy named “Goodluck Jonathan” is president of the largest country in Africa and I’m only just now finding out about it.

Dakota Fanning was the first couch guest. She is in the new Twilight film. It’s amazing how many movies she has been in and how many stars she has worked with, and she’s only sixteen. The interview was great. She was very energetic and easy going at the same time. She communicated so well that I would argue she interviewed better than the majority of Hollywood stars twice her age.

Bill Keaggy was the second couch guest. He is the author of the book Milk Eggs Vodka, which is full of discarded grocery lists that he has collected over the thirteen years. The interview was fun because they spent most of it reviewing grocery lists. It’s worth checking out:

Korn was the musical guest. They did some good headbanging.

Great show. I give it:

- Woody

Here were my favorite monologue jokes from last night’s Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

This heat wave back East is just unbelievable. It was so hot in Baltimore the team beating the Orioles actually had to work up a sweat. It was so hot in New York City Mel Gibson called Al Sharpton just to get the cold shoulder. It was so hot in Washington Nancy Pelosi skipped the Botox and had her face injected with frozen yogurt.

What’s the difference between Lindsey Lohan and LeBron James? We know where Lindsey’s going.

Vice President Joe Biden made a surprise visit to Iraq on July 4th. It was a surprise because Biden thought he was going to Des Moines for a fund raiser.

According to the National Enquirer, the chairman of BP, Carl-Henric Svanberg, had an affair with a married woman that lead to her divorce. Yet another example of BP’s reckless drilling.

The desk segment was the Jackass of the Month with Adam Carolla. Adam showed four funny clips of people doing dumb things. Jay and Adam then followed up each clip with humorous banter. This could have been a great segment, but all the clips have been online for a while, and Adam and Jay’s scripted chat was not funny.

Dave Salmoni was the first couch guest. He is a zoologist and TV personality. The interview was interesting because of the animals Dave brought on the show. In the second-half  he demonstrated how animal hair can be used to help clean up the oil spill in the Gulf:

John C. Reilly was the second couch guest. He stars in the new film Cyrus. John was terrific and the interview was a lot of fun to watch:

Big Boi was the musical guest. He rapped.

Good show. I give it:

- Woody